and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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