Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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