Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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