mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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