My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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