The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
