eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was born a porn star she said
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
