Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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