ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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