got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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