I think my fart just growled at me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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