ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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