Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
