he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
