1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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