im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
