I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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