Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
