god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
