i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
