Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
