why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
