Duck Duck Cougar?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
