her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
