and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
