the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
