Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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