The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
