i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
