i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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