Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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