I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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