a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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