i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize