you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
