I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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