8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
