non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My ass is underappreciated
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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