i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
