I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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