So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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