if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
