I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
