you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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