Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
