your room smells of hookers.
And success
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
