I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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