If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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