...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
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Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty