ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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