Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
