Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.