Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.

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  (334): The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/m75t
  Replies (13) Good night (1273) Bad night (3259)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.

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  (814): Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight? (1-814): I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me. http://tfl.nu/ovto
  Replies (25) Good night (4775) Bad night (924)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?

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  (859): do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night? http://tfl.nu/r2u5
  Replies (17) Good night (984) Bad night (4990)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.

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  (419): His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him. http://tfl.nu/wimg
  Replies (60) Good night (1119) Bad night (3322)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other

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  (605): I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other http://tfl.nu/boea
  Replies (24) Good night (5650) Bad night (1645)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.

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  (813): Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b. http://tfl.nu/ahce
  Replies (17) Good night (4147) Bad night (1774)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation

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  (978): also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation http://tfl.nu/1tpq
  Replies (4) Good night (1667) Bad night (719)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.

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  (706): Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week. http://tfl.nu/4lee
  Replies (5) Good night (2753) Bad night (1007)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.

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  (719): Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes. http://tfl.nu/2pgh
  Replies (13) Good night (3416) Bad night (556)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.

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  (330): I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library. http://tfl.nu/xc6t
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (435)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.

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  (765): He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever. http://tfl.nu/9j5e
  Replies (5) Good night (1200) Bad night (873)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?

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  (412): Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet? http://tfl.nu/5htr
  Replies (2) Good night (1404) Bad night (342)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.

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  (304): I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck. http://tfl.nu/h7qy
  Replies (3) Good night (860) Bad night (429)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.

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  (778): Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed. http://tfl.nu/26ft
  Replies (0) Good night (230) Bad night (312)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.

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  (740): Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people. http://tfl.nu/9aw0
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (246)

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