Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
