if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
