My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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