i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
