so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
