True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
