I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
