Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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