How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
