just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
