Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
