she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
