i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So much rum. So many feels.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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