I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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