I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
