I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize