i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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