sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
