I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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