His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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