Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
