If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
