I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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