I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
