dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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